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January 1st, 2008

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April 5th, 2007

12:41 am - emo fgt rambling It's one of those nights. Y'know, I thought that I'd escaped the ridiculous bouts of feeling sorry for myself. I thought I was past the preference of my own company to that of other people. I thought that, for once, I could feel good about where my life was headed. Apparently, I'm wrong again. I find myself fending off depression with withdrawal laced with vicious responses to even the most innocent teasing from those I consider friends. I find myself wishing I had never made a move to better my position in life. In short, I find myself falling into the same tired old patterns, and once again, I find that I can see no proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Granted, it's hard for anyone to convince themselves that things will get better when things keep seeming to get worse, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. As if the causes (or at least the triggers) of my depression weren't enough frustration. It's stupid shit, too. I'm not in high school anymore; why do I still struggle with the same childish bullshit? Maybe it's the fact that for the first time in years, I actually am interacting with people in the real world rather than building my relationships on instant messages and emoticons. It's an exercise in contradictions, or so it seems. I love who I am, but in the same instant, I feel like I can't even compete with anyone I meet as far as being interesting or funny or anything that would make people want to be around me. I resolve to be more responsible, but when the time comes, I slide back to being passive and leaving things until the last possible minute. I guess I never realized how immature I am until I was put in a position to have to take care of myself. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "Obscured" by Smashing Pumpkins

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February 22nd, 2007

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January 28th, 2007

11:07 am Hay guyz, I'm back. Current Location: Chicago Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Roses" by OutKast

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November 29th, 2006

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November 13th, 2006

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November 6th, 2006

12:59 am - Goodbye, Fresno. Is this love? Current Mood: giddy

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October 31st, 2006

11:24 am 1 week until I leave for boot camp. Ah, I guess email me (gonkheart at gmail dot com) your address if you want me to write to you if I have time. So right now I'm sitting in the lobby of a Doubletree in Carson, bored off my ass. I'm waiting for my mom to get out of a meeting so that we can head home. This past week has been pretty crazy. I've spent maybe 24 hours at home. Last week I was up by San Francisco visiting a friend, since my mom had to make a business trip up there. I would've seen two friends, but one apparently decided that it wasn't worth the effort to make plans ahead of time, even though I gave her a month to get the day off of work and such. Of course, things get fucked at the last minute because she didn't get the days off of work AND she has to go to San Jose with her family. Whatever. People like that aren't worth the time and energy. I had a nice time with my other friend though, even though we just sat around and watched movies and played video games. So we got back from there on Thursday night, then left Friday afternoon to head down here to visit my aunt, uncle, and cousins. It was cool because on Thursday night I found out that a good friend lives about 20 minutes away, so I got to meet up with her on Friday night when we got into town. We went shopping and took pictures on the Ferris wheel. Ari took that one. All of mine suck because of camera phone faggotry. ( More pics... ) That was a lot of fun. It just sucks that we only got to hang out for a few hours. Spending the weekend hanging out with family was nice, but my youngest cousin (who's only a year or two younger than me) can really get on my nerves sometimes, and I usually don't see much of the other two. Basically that was more just sitting around and playing video games. We went to see Man Of The Year. It was more serious than I thought it would be, but I still found it to be very enjoyable. We left there yesterday afternoon, and since then I've been pretty much sitting around at the hotel while my mom does work stuff. I finally say Snakes On A Plane and Talladega Nights, both of which were awesome. Hopefully my mom will be done with her shit soon, since my laptop's battery is getting low and I really want to just get home. Current Mood: bored Current Music: "Cygnus....Vismund Cygnus" by The Mars Volta

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September 27th, 2006

05:03 pm Current Mood: hay inturnets Current Music: "Two Headed Boy" by Neutral Milk Hotel

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September 22nd, 2006

09:31 pm --COMMENCE OVERLY VAGUE POST-- I hate Wheelems. --END OVERLY VAGUE POST-- Current Mood: bored Current Music: "The Acid Memoirs" by Dog Fashion Disco

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September 11th, 2006

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August 24th, 2006

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August 15th, 2006

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July 18th, 2006

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July 6th, 2006

12:26 pm I SPEAK TO YOU NOW FROM MY NEW LAPTOP. Yeah, finally got myself a new computer, so none of you will have to listen to me bitching about hating my computer anymore. :D Current Location: Not confined to my bedroom :O Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: "On Top" by The Moldy Peaches

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June 3rd, 2006

03:32 pm Wow. So I just found a childhood friend of mine on MySpace. We're talking from like, all through elementary school until I moved away. I'm gonna send her a message, but it's gonna sound all weird and shit because I have no idea what to say. 8] Current Mood: surprised Current Music: "Birdo" by HORSE the band

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May 23rd, 2006

06:17 am Just because I don't say anything Doesn't mean I don't like you. I open my mouth and I try and i try But no words come out. Without 40 ounces of social skills I'm just an ass in the crack of humanity. I'm just a huge manatee. A huge manatee. And besides you're probably holding hands With some skinny, pretty girl that likes to Talk about bands, and All I wanna do is ride bikes with you And stay up late and watch cartoons. Duck Tales, shirt tails, Tailspin, Sailor Moon, GI Joe, Robotech, Ron Jeremy, Schmoo. I wanna watch cartons with you. Josie and the Pussycats and Scooby Doo, I want you to watch cartoons with me. He-man, Voltron and Hong Kong Phooey I tried to ask you to your face, But no words came out. I put on my hood and walked away. That doosn't mean I don't like you. And besides you're probably holding hands With some skinny, pretty girl that likes to Talk about bands, and All I wanna do is ride bikes with you And stay up late and maybe spoon. Just becase I dont say anything Doesn't mean I dont like you, no. I opened my mouth and i tried and i tried. And besides you're probably holding hands With some skiny, pretty girl that likes to Talk about bands and All I wanna do is ride bikes with you And stay up late and maybe spoon. I'm just your average Thundercats ho. Current Mood: tired Current Music: "Nothing Came Out" by The Moldy Peaches

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May 18th, 2006

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May 13th, 2006

09:42 am Lol. My acolyte on HR is 61/50. Current Mood: awake Current Music: "The Camper Velourium III: Al The Killer" - Coheed & Cambria

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